24.03.05

Web blog entry number thirteen.

Saturday 12/03

On Saturday morning the 12th of March Amanda started to feel the first contractions. At about six in the evening, the contractions came regularly five minutes apart and so we decided to go to the hospital. Uptil that point in time all aspects of Amandas pregnancy had been going perfectly well, but luck was about to change into nightmare.

Driving to the hospital we were still both in a very good mood. Amanda was feeling a bit tense going to give birth in a hospital, but we were still laughing and looking forward to finally see Freya, this wild-kicking tempered little mupje-monkey that had kept Amanda awake with her prying fingers for so long now.

Arriving to the hospital it takes two hours before a doctor examines the situation. The nurse says first that Amanda is "closed" but the doctor says that she is open 2-3 centimeters. We are asked to go to the delivery room.

We are assigned delivery room number 3.
Contractions come regularly for a few hours but still no progress. In the night the contractions starts to get weaker. Our first doctor arrives to take a look. It is decided to wait until the morning and see what happens. We are asked to try get some sleep. Easier said than done! Anyhow, after an hour or so we succeed in falling asleep together on the birth-bed. What a memory :)

Sunday 13/03

In the morning the russian doctor is ending her shift. As a last thing before leaving she decides to break the water since Amanda is 4 cm dilated. This should normally speed up the process. It also means that we will not leave the hospital without Freya. Since bacterias now have full access, Freya must get out.

The contractions did not get any stronger, so Amanda must accept to receive a specific hormone that induces contractions chemically. This also makes contractions more painful than the ones she would have normally. This was contrary to our will, but what should we do? The water was broken.

Hormone induction starts with 15 ml/hour and then gradually raises over time. After a few hours it is up to 100 ml/h and by now Amanda has so much pain that she can hardly breath. She was very, very brave at this point. Respect! Amanda had decided not to use any painkillers. The nurses were repeatedly asking her to take some pain relief, but she wanted it to be as natural as possible and refused.

But now comes the really bad news: despite all fighting, when the next doctor in line checks in, Amanda has hardly dilated any more at all. So despite all pain, it is still status quo, 4 cm. Now more than 15 hours has gone since we came in to the hospital.

At this point we decided that the pain has to stop. We accept epidural and Amanda gets it after half an hour. The pain stops almost completely. Great relief.

During the afternoon the contractions continue regularly. The midwife and the doctors come and checks now and then. Despite the added hormone, the dilation goes extremely slowly. In the evening Amanda is still no more than maybe 4.5 - 5 cm open. The doctors starts to look stressed. Why doesn't it work? It has always worked before... The midwife says that she has never experienced anything similar in her three years at the hospital.

Now it is already late evening, about nine o' clock. Still no progress.

The only worry during the day has been Freya's heartbeat. It is strangely even. Why doesn't it show more variation?

The doctor decides to stop the hormone medication and let Amanda go to sleep to wait for the next day. Amanda is transferred to another department. I go home to feed the cats.

After only two hours the telephone rings and I am asked back to the hospital. Freyas heart rhytm is still to even and because of that, Amanda is moved back to the delivery department were she can be monitored.

We spend our second night in the dark delivery room. This time I have my own bed.

Monday 14/03

A new doctor comes in at 10 o´clock. She checks Amanda and Freyas heart rhytm and discusses briefly if we would go for a cessarian. We say that if there is any danger to the baby then absolutely yes. Otherwise we would like Freya to come out the normal way.

The doctor says that the hormone treatment shall continue "with no limits". The morning goes by and the really severe pain starts again. Amanda gets new pain relief through the epidural. Pain goes away.

Its afternoon, and Amanda has only dilated 1 centimeter more. Amanda is showing signs of severe fatigue. She can not stay awake anymore even though she has pain. I am starting to feel tiredness and hopelessness myself. How could it go like this? A new midwife shows up. She makes an investigation of Freya with her hands and says that its strange that Freya is still so high up.

At about six o'clock we get a new doctor. This doctor has something about her.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

She feels different from the others. She also feels immediately that Freya is not in a good position. She says that there is still a chance that Freya could come out the normal way, but she would now recommend a cessarian. She says that she can do it herself. Amanda and I look at eachother and I think we both feel that this can not go on any more. I can see on Amanda that she is exhausted.

At 18.35 Amanda rolls into the neighbouring room. I am asked if I want to be with her during the surgery. I decide not to. I tell Amanda, that I wouldn't mind sitting in on any one elses surgery but I cannot be there during hers. Its too much.

End Game

Sitting in the neighbouring room I wait. I can hear some sounds. The doctor said it takes about half an hour. Its a sickening pressure. Both persons I care most for is right now in surgery.
I know, since we have been in the neighbouring room the whole day, that I should hear a crying baby also after a cessarian.
After 30 minutes I have still not heard any crying baby. I start to despair. Suddenly there are sounds of running feet and the neighbouring door is thrown open. Footsteps from several people echoes down the corridor. I realize that something is seriously wrong.

After a minute, the midwife enters my room. She says that we have gotten a girl, but she didn't breath properly, so she had been taken to the intensive care. I ask if I can come to Amanda, and the doctors allow it. So I end up sitting with her while they sew her operation wound closed.

I hold her hand. We are both very worried and we have still not any relief that it has ended.

A doctor tries to comfort us. He talks about Freya and how cute she is. It is hard to focus on what he is saying.

After another half hour, Amanda is taken to another room. It takes an additional hour of nervwracking nailbiting before I am finally allowed to go to the intensive care department to see her.

Its heartbreaking to see her there. She is in a glassbox with cables attached to her arm, head and nose. The nose cable is so big that it makes her head go all wrong. Additionally she has burn marks on her arms that is a result of some kind of lamp they have used to find a good vein. But why are there three burn marks?

She is awake and looks at me with such a sad face.
I have problems keeping back my tears.

---

Now after a week our sleeping beauty Freya is starting to get better. She is little but strong as it reads on her shirt we have bought for her. I can't help thinking how utterly unnecessary this 48 hour madness was. Already the first doctor could have seen, either by using ultrasound, or by using her hands as the last doctor did, that Freya was in such position that she would never be coming out the normal way. Instead it took 3 doctors and 48 hours and most seriously, it likely caused great danger for Freya.